Brian Castelli – With His Heart

A friend lent me her already-borrowed copy of the audio book, “same kind of different as me.” It’s the true story of the ministry of Debra Hall and her husband, Ron, and how they reached out to befriend a homeless man named Denver Moore. Denver, as he’s referred to in the book, came out of a life of virtual slavery. The Hall’s reached out to him as part of their weekly work with the homeless in Fort Worth, TX.

Some insights from the book that apply to outreach:

• That the Hall’s kept coming back week after week set them apart from the “seasonal” volunteers that the homeless saw at the Mission. Denver said that the folks who only show up on holidays come because they feel guilty for all that they have. Once the guilt is assuaged, they return home and let the guilt start building up again. Since the Hall’s kept coming week after week, folks began to get the idea that they really cared. (And they did!) This tells me something that I guess I already knew from my trip to San Diego a couple of summers ago: Drive by help is not always appreciated. The kind of help that makes a difference is the kind of help that builds relationships.
• Denver’s tough exterior was his shield. He’d been hurt enough times to not want to let anyone get too close again. When he appeared dangerous, people left him alone. Because of this exterior, Ron didn’t want to be friends with him at first. Debra, who looked through the exterior, kept insisting. It took time, but Ron and Denver eventually became good friends. Denver became part of the family. In fact, he moved into the family home after Debra passed. The lessons here: The tough exterior we see is sometimes an act, and it takes a while to break through layers of defense. Patience and perseverance are required.
• Even though the Hall’s had no common background or experience to help them understand the plight of Denver and other homeless folks, they did what they could–they loved. Ron didn’t have to spend the night in a cardboard box to show love and compassion to Denver. He didn’t have to sell all of his possessions and give the proceeds away to become Denver’s friend. The lesson here is that even people of diverse backgrounds have something to share. This isn’t always comfortable. In fact, it is decidedly UNCOMFORTABLE. And that, my friend, is just what we need sometimes.
• When the visits to the homeless Mission began, Ron felt sorry for the men and women he met there. He admits, however, that he also felt somehow superior to them. He was there to help them, but what he found, in the end, that he was in many ways INFERIOR to Denver. That is, as the relationship progressed, Ron found that it was *Denver* who poured his life into Ron, not necessarily the other way around. The lesson here is that humility helps us understand our role as we work to become better friends.
• God is in control of all things. Although there was terrible pain for Ron when Debra passed–why did He take her when she was doing so much good for so many people?!!?–Denver took up the torch she laid down. He became an advocate for the homeless and has made a difference in that community that Debra by herself could not have achieved. Even her horrible, painful death yielded evidence that God works all things together for good.

I highly recommend the book. I also highly recommend that we endeavor to find uncomfortable situations in which we can minister. Speak life into people!

I’m reading a very interesting book, “How Full is Your Bucket,” by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton. The ideas here are not new, but the presentation is interesting. Covey speaks of the Emotional Bank Account as a very similar idea.

The bucket metaphor is a good one. We all have a bucket. When our bucket is full, we feel good. Not so when our bucket is empty. The idea is to figuratively ladle water into other people’s buckets through positive interactions with them (doing what Covey would call, “making deposits in the Emotional Bank Account”). A kind word. A specific praise. Purposely catching people doing the right thing and praising them for it. (Oh! There’s “The One-Minute Manager!” I told you these ideas are not new!)

The Bible talks about this area, as well. Proverbs tells us that the tongue has the power of life and death. I’ve taken it as a lifetime challenge to speak life into the people around me. The Bible also consistently pictures God’s grace like rain pouring down on us–and filling our buckets!

One thing that is very clear from my readings about this subject: Our objective is not to get other people to fill our buckets. In none of the books I’ve referred to does the author even hint that we ought to be in this for ourselves. No. They consistently and correctly point us to filling other people’s buckets.

One of the clear goals I have for Josiah’s Stand as a ministry is to become a bucket filler. There are hurting people all around us–and no shortage of them among our students–who need (yes need) someone to come along side and encourage them, to ladle the life-giving water of words and relationship into their buckets. A quote from the book says it well:

Whether we have a long conversation with a friend or simply place an order at a restaurant, every interaction makes a difference. The results of our encounters are rarely neutral; they are almost always positive or negative. And although we take these interactions for granted, they accumulate and profoundly affect our lives.

Speak Life!