Brian Castelli – With His Heart

“Aren’t you offended when someone says, ‘I am so blessed?!!?’”

The speaker was upset because, in her mind, the latter statement demonstrated arrogance and superiority. “I mean, God lets some children starve. Does that mean he loves the rich more?!!? I should hope not!”

The answer depends on your world view.

If you believe in luck–a.k.a. blind chance–to say, “I am blessed,” because you were born into relative affluence is an acknowledgment that you had nothing to do with it. It wasn’t by your own power or initiative that you were born then and there. The only way one could find this offensive, in my opinion, is if one was really upset that credit for the situation could be given to God.

If your world view includes a belief in God, then “luck” can’t be part of the equation. If there is a creator, is it really plausible that he’s playing dice with the universe? Does it really make sense that he’d just let things happen by random chance? I don’t think so. Therefore, “I am blessed,” is a very humble acknowledgment that, “I didn’t earn this.”

It seems to me, then, that the only way to consider such a statement offensive is to have a firmly held anti-God stance–so firm that you don’t want him getting any credit.

No one knows why God gives material or health blessings to some and not to others. If someone claims that they understand that, they are either wrong or lying. What’s clear in the Bible is that God does not favor the rich over the poor. In fact, in most cases where God rails against nations it’s because the nations have failed to care for the poor and the needy, the widow and the orphan, in their midst. God cares very much about the plight of the poor, and he seems to expect those of us who aren’t to lend a hand.

In the most-recent edition of the Christian Research Institutes’s Journal magazine (www.equip.org), Sean McDowell reviews the book Thank God for Evolution by Michael Dowd. McDowell quotes Dowd’s explanation for his shift from Bible-believing fundamentalism to evolutionary evangelist:

“First, I came to know and trust several students and teachers before learning that they held evolutionary world views.”

Dowd is a smart guy. It seems likely that he has considered the evidence carefully. But what I find particularly compelling in his story is that relationships he built with people who held opposing viewpoints with him ultimately led to his change of heart and mind. My guess is that he came to trust these folks before he was willing to give their viewpoint a fair hearing.

This applies to all of us. When we carry the truth–either to an unbelieving co-worker, a homeless vagabond, or a student at the local high school–we need to show them that we care through our relationship with them.

I’m reminded of the story of the Hall’s relationship with Denver Moore (http://briancastelli.com/?p=211). It was the people who came down to the mission week after week that came to be trusted. As we build our relationships, we must be consistent in the way we spend time with people. Drive-by charity doesn’t build relationships…

A friend lent me her already-borrowed copy of the audio book, “same kind of different as me.” It’s the true story of the ministry of Debra Hall and her husband, Ron, and how they reached out to befriend a homeless man named Denver Moore. Denver, as he’s referred to in the book, came out of a life of virtual slavery. The Hall’s reached out to him as part of their weekly work with the homeless in Fort Worth, TX.

Some insights from the book that apply to outreach:

• That the Hall’s kept coming back week after week set them apart from the “seasonal” volunteers that the homeless saw at the Mission. Denver said that the folks who only show up on holidays come because they feel guilty for all that they have. Once the guilt is assuaged, they return home and let the guilt start building up again. Since the Hall’s kept coming week after week, folks began to get the idea that they really cared. (And they did!) This tells me something that I guess I already knew from my trip to San Diego a couple of summers ago: Drive by help is not always appreciated. The kind of help that makes a difference is the kind of help that builds relationships.
• Denver’s tough exterior was his shield. He’d been hurt enough times to not want to let anyone get too close again. When he appeared dangerous, people left him alone. Because of this exterior, Ron didn’t want to be friends with him at first. Debra, who looked through the exterior, kept insisting. It took time, but Ron and Denver eventually became good friends. Denver became part of the family. In fact, he moved into the family home after Debra passed. The lessons here: The tough exterior we see is sometimes an act, and it takes a while to break through layers of defense. Patience and perseverance are required.
• Even though the Hall’s had no common background or experience to help them understand the plight of Denver and other homeless folks, they did what they could–they loved. Ron didn’t have to spend the night in a cardboard box to show love and compassion to Denver. He didn’t have to sell all of his possessions and give the proceeds away to become Denver’s friend. The lesson here is that even people of diverse backgrounds have something to share. This isn’t always comfortable. In fact, it is decidedly UNCOMFORTABLE. And that, my friend, is just what we need sometimes.
• When the visits to the homeless Mission began, Ron felt sorry for the men and women he met there. He admits, however, that he also felt somehow superior to them. He was there to help them, but what he found, in the end, that he was in many ways INFERIOR to Denver. That is, as the relationship progressed, Ron found that it was *Denver* who poured his life into Ron, not necessarily the other way around. The lesson here is that humility helps us understand our role as we work to become better friends.
• God is in control of all things. Although there was terrible pain for Ron when Debra passed–why did He take her when she was doing so much good for so many people?!!?–Denver took up the torch she laid down. He became an advocate for the homeless and has made a difference in that community that Debra by herself could not have achieved. Even her horrible, painful death yielded evidence that God works all things together for good.

I highly recommend the book. I also highly recommend that we endeavor to find uncomfortable situations in which we can minister. Speak life into people!

I’m reading a very interesting book, “How Full is Your Bucket,” by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton. The ideas here are not new, but the presentation is interesting. Covey speaks of the Emotional Bank Account as a very similar idea.

The bucket metaphor is a good one. We all have a bucket. When our bucket is full, we feel good. Not so when our bucket is empty. The idea is to figuratively ladle water into other people’s buckets through positive interactions with them (doing what Covey would call, “making deposits in the Emotional Bank Account”). A kind word. A specific praise. Purposely catching people doing the right thing and praising them for it. (Oh! There’s “The One-Minute Manager!” I told you these ideas are not new!)

The Bible talks about this area, as well. Proverbs tells us that the tongue has the power of life and death. I’ve taken it as a lifetime challenge to speak life into the people around me. The Bible also consistently pictures God’s grace like rain pouring down on us–and filling our buckets!

One thing that is very clear from my readings about this subject: Our objective is not to get other people to fill our buckets. In none of the books I’ve referred to does the author even hint that we ought to be in this for ourselves. No. They consistently and correctly point us to filling other people’s buckets.

One of the clear goals I have for Josiah’s Stand as a ministry is to become a bucket filler. There are hurting people all around us–and no shortage of them among our students–who need (yes need) someone to come along side and encourage them, to ladle the life-giving water of words and relationship into their buckets. A quote from the book says it well:

Whether we have a long conversation with a friend or simply place an order at a restaurant, every interaction makes a difference. The results of our encounters are rarely neutral; they are almost always positive or negative. And although we take these interactions for granted, they accumulate and profoundly affect our lives.

Speak Life!

Earlier this week, the Raleigh News & Observer newspaper reported on a new initiative coming to the Raleigh area this year (2009). In an article titled, “In Wake, Nurses Will Aid Families,” Staff Writer Sarah Avery describes the way the new program will impact lives. Avery writes:

The program’s mission is to improve the health of poor children and their mothers by intervening early, while the young women are still pregnant, and sticking with them as their babies grow into toddlers. Established 30 years ago and tested against other interventions to gauge its success, the Nurse Family Partnership has a track record of keeping young mothers off welfare, delaying a second pregnancy and helping women be more attentive and engaged moms.

The bottom line message for you and me: Relationships make a difference. As we attempt to engage the world, it’s getting involved directly in the lives of others that brings about change.

I am a big fan of the Wordle tool. I use it as a kind of barometer to gauge whether or not I’m writing about the things that are really important to me. Here is the latest:

I’m pleased to find that God figures prominently…

Last summer I paid a visit to MFUGE (a.k.a. Missionfuge) camp in Charleston, SC. (See http://www.lifeway.com/fuge/mission/) It was a great experience for our whole team. (40 youth plus 9 adults…) I plan to share some of the stories in this space. This is my first installment.

Our youth pastor, Joe, and several others joined a work team that visited a community center in a bad part of town. The building was an abandoned school that had been pressed into service to house a number of children during the day. Conditions were poor, to say the least. Joe reported that the children were using moth balls instead of chalk. There were reports of children licking the moth balls, even placing them in their mouths. Joe also said that some of the rooms were so filthy that he had to fight back nausea when he entered them. The toys that the children had were in poor shape or broken.

At our evening church devotion time, Joe asked if anyone on our team had pocket change that they might consider donating it to help pay for some Dollar Store chalk? Apparently the description of the conditions touched a few hearts. In the end, the “pocket change” added up to $120. Joe took the money and bought chalk, Connect Four, Candyland, Hula-hoops, soccer balls, and other things. Joe brought the goods to his track team leader and told her that they had been donated anonymously.

The children at the community center were thrilled to receive these gifts. They wanted to take them home! Joe confiscated the moth balls, and the children had a blast drawing with colored chalk for the first time.

Perhaps more important than the gifts, Joe’s track leader was inspired by the reaction and enthusiasm the gifts produced. She is now working to get another MFUGE team to come to her site and clean up those horrible rooms.

God has an amazing way of moving and working. When his people have their hearts open to his leading, they can accomplish great things.

She’s 65 and married, but I just feel compelled to refer to her as “Miss Barbara”.

In the weeks leading up to the MFUGE trip in July of 2007, Miss Barbara kept asking, “Why did I sign up for this trip?” She wondered aloud if she’d lost her mind. What business does a retired woman have hanging around with a bunch of middle- and high-school youth? My answer: All the business in the world.

I was leading devotions for our church group on a Tuesday night in Charleston. The kids had studied about Jesus healing the sick, and I focused our sharing time on the fact that if God has the power to heal us physically he also has the power to heal us spiritually. I borrowed some material from Dr. Lutzer at Moody Church and reminded the kids that Peter sinned three times when he denied Jesus. And Mark’s gospel tells is that the angel told the women to go tell the disciples “and Peter” Jesus was alive on the third day. I shared with them that even if they had sinned over and over again that Jesus was issuing that same invitation to them. And Brian. And Mary. And Veronica.

As we came to the close of our church devotion time, I had one more thing that I wanted to share with the kids. Before I did so, I asked if anyone wanted to share what had happened that day on the work sites. Many had something to say, and we shared until our time was almost gone. Miss Barbara raised her hand to speak, but I forgot to call on her. As I started to share that last bit, one of the other adult leaders reminded me that Miss Barbara was still waiting. I called on her to share.

Miss Barbara’s track team had gone to a food bank that day. Due to fire marshal regulations, however, not everyone on the team was allowed to enter the building. A number of them stood outside wondering what to do. Miss Barbara suggested that they go on a prayer walk through the neighborhood. I guess it wasn’t a very nice neighborhood because the track leader was not enthusiastic about it.

No one else stepped forward, but Miss Barbara felt a call to go. She said, “Well, I’m going to go myself.” Two of the boys from our church were there, and they had been “taking care of” Miss Barbara all week – treating her as if she was their grandmother. They said that they’d go with her. This sudden show of support inspired a few others, and off they went into the neighborhood to do some prayin’!

As they rounded the corner behind the food bank, the group discovered a homeless shelter. The building was in horrible shape. Men has been urinating (and worse) outside of the building. The smell and the sight of it were too much for Miss Barbara. She began to weep as she stood there looking at the conditions. She also started to weep as she told us this story.

Filled with emotion, Miss Barbara said, “Don’t miss out, young people! When I was your age, I didn’t even know there were opportunities like this to serve the Lord. I made so many mistakes when I was young! I wish I had listened to my daddy! But I didn’t! I was stubborn. I ran away, and I missed it! I missed it! Don’t you miss it! You have a great opportunity to help. Don’t waste it!” She concluded with, “I’m sorry for crying…”

I looked around the room. Almost everyone was visibly touched. It only took me 1/2 of a second to decide what to do. I said, “I have nothing more to say. Let’s pray.” And we did.

What business did Miss Barbara have participating on the MFUGE trip? She had a message to deliver, a message that came from her heart and touched the hearts of an unknown number of young and old alike.

God bless you, Miss Barbara.

On the last Friday of my visit to San Diego (See previous posts), I went looking for either Al or Ron. I hoped that my talking to them earlier in the week might make one of them more willing to accept my offer of help. Bible and cash in my pocket, I jogged the waterfront.

I passed many homeless folks. Some were there every day. Perhaps I should have visited them? There was a cluster of three homeless men who occupied the same group of park benches every day. (When I told my daughter this story, she asked, ‘Why didn’t you buy them a pizza and go eat with them?” Doh! Why didn’t *I* think of that?!!?)

I didn’t find Al. I didn’t find Ron. I was running out of time when I spotted a homeless man sleeping on a bench at the end of the marina. He had a dirty blanket wrapped tightly around him. His face was covered. On the ground at his feet were at least a dozen plastic grocery bags, no doubt filled with his possessions.

I ran by the man. He did not move. I ran back and stopped next to him. Still no movement. I placed the Bible and cash on top of one of his bags and ran on.

I pray that my anonymous gift has helped someone. My cool little Bible may be sitting at the bottom of San Diego bay, or it could be in the hands of someone hungry for God’s word. My hope is that it is the latter.

More fishing.